Can You Hear Me Now?
by Eclissy
Summary: "Tomix, why?" The Hero gestured at the two doors in front of the Soulweaver. One lead to the Hero's cabin while the other lead to Vaal's. Whoever though up this set up must have been a star comedian or a former soap opera director at the least.


**This joke was funny when I thought it up last night. I hope it's still funny cause I think I was sugar high last night too. So hey look, funny little drabble for the, at the moment, newest update of the Ravenloss Saga which is the Void Ship. It's mostly crack. I'm actually really embarrassed by it.**

**Another note, if I ever get to this point in Double Edged, I might use the same scenario and jokes. It's just that with how fast I'm going, most of you fine readers who read Double Edged will either be dead or blind so you get to see this crack early cause I say so. Does that mean the adventurer featured in this one-shot is Ty? Naw, it can be anyone really though I do tend to write the adventurer too much like Ty.**

**Can You Hear Me Now?**

"Tomix, why?" The Hero gestured at the two doors in front of the Soulweaver. One lead to the Hero's cabin while the other lead to Vaal's. Whoever though up this set up must have been a star comedian or a former soap opera director at the least. "Why?" The Hero repeated, scrunching up their brow in confusion and incredulousness.

"What's wrong? You don't like the view?" Tomix joked, smirking at the strangely distraught Hero. "Joking aside, I needed someone to watch over the most…unhinged of the group and if he steps out of line, you can handle him best. Or are you afraid that a washed up has-been with a drinking problem can get the better of you?"

"Pfft, as if," The Hero scoffed, leering at the door to the chaosweaver's room. "Problem is, he's the navigator. If I accidentally launch him through the roof and into the void, we'll be lost and it'll be my fault."

"Then give him one good knock on the head and he'll go down." Tomix said but the Hero shook their head and crossed their arms.

"Look, drunk grandpa in there took what…two weeks to move in? All I could see were barrels. Barrels and barrels of the fun stuff," The Hero shuddered and Tomix could barely hold in his laugh. The Hero was taking the matter way to seriously. "I'm surprised the ship isn't tipping from the weight of all of his junk. But the point is, Vaal was pretty crazy sounding the first time we met him in Pellow Village right? Even if he's lost most of his strength, I don't want to worry about dealing with drunken, depressed, rambling Vaal every night while we're traveling through the void. Even with the twenty five locks I installed, I'm still worried he'll find a way through."

"Wait, twenty five locks? How is there even enough room on that do-" Before the soulweaver could finish, the door to the Hero's cabin collapsed in on itself, revealing several heavy duty locks that were making cracks on the floor.

The pair stood there, frozen in place, as the locks slowly broke through the deck and fell straight through. The sound of heavy metal crashing and people screaming below deck made Tomix's jaw drop and the Hero blew up their cheeks, staring at their failure.

"Flunky! Keep it down!" Vaal started banging on the wall separating their two cabins. His growly voice sounded half-asleep and slurred.

The banging woke up the Hero's baby dragon, who had been napping soundly on the plush purple pillow of the Hero's bed. Grumpy, the little lizard screeched and began to bang back on the wall with its tail.

"I'll fix the door. And the floor. And my pride eventually." The Hero said as they rubbed their tired eyes.

"Twenty five locks sound paranoid to be honest." Tomix noted, staring at the gaping hole in the deck as the banging contest started to get louder.

"And I think putting the main cause of a once powerful and egotistical man's downfall conveniently next to him sounds dumb. Really dumb. Like 'dip me in honey and throw me into a pool of bears' type of dumb" The Hero grimaced. A bear pool actually sounded more relaxing than the nights that were to come with the grumpy mumbling they'll hear from the other cabin. Oh no, what if Vaal talks in his sleep? He talks in his sleep doesn't he? Seven hells.

"You weren't the only cause. Greed had a part in it too."

"And isn't Greed very dead? Or banished? Or whatever happens to corrupted spirits when they're destroyed? So basically dead?" The Hero laughed hoarsely. "Like one of us is going to be before our fun little adventure ends. We'll kill each other. Or worse."

"I'm sure both of you _adults_ can work out some sort of agreement." Tomix said as the voices below deck scrambled to clean the mess up.

"Have you seen us?" The Hero replied and seemingly on cue, the banging coming from Vaal's room intensified. It sounded like he was using a chair to hit the wall. Not wanting to be outdone, the baby dragon started to shoot iceballs on their side.

"Hmmm, you have a point."

"But I wouldn't have minded having to room next to him if you all weren't so far away." The Hero said, glaring at the soulweaver. "If I scream, you probably won't even hear me. We're going to get into a fight and either I'm going to kill him by accident or he's going to kill me because I'm trying to hold myself back."

"There are others on this side. Other pirates and soulweavers-"

"And if they're smart, they'll run as fast as they can to the other side of the ship. Tomix, you can't leave me alone with this guy. What if I'm asleep and he tries something? I haven't had much practice getting attacked in my sleep."

"Look, if something happens, yell and we'll come running. I doubt you'll need the help but just so you know, we'll hear if something happens."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely," Tomix nodded confidently and the Hero appeared to have been appeased somewhat. "Why don't you find another place to rest for the time being? Ask someone to lend you their bed. I'll have someone else fix the door. You look like you haven't slept in eight years."

"Sleep does sound nice. I won't ask Riadne though. Wouldn't want to get in the way if you two want some alone time." The Hero winked and little bit of colour returned to their cheeks.

"Very funny." Tomix smirked as the Hero took their leave before turning his attention to the pissing match going on in the two cabins.

"They'll stop eventually." Tomix muttered before heading out. The walk from the promenade deck down to his own cabin was quiet and he noted that the walk did seem a bit long. Even if Tomix and the others ran, the Hero would have to keep themselves under control for maybe five minutes at the least.

Eh, the hero could keep the two of them from murdering each other or worse…They mentioned something worse could happen. What could be worse?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A blood curling scream jolted Tomix out of his thoughts and rushed out of his cabin, tripped up the stairs, and stumbled out on to the deck.

"You call that a scream? The barnacles on the bottom o' me boots be louder!" Mazurek shouted to the promenade deck as the Hero shrieked like someone was tugging their lungs out through their throat; like Tomix was going to if he didn't hear a good reason for the screaming right now.

"Tomix? Come to help out too?" Riadne asked, walking up to stand next to him. Suddenly the fact that the Hero's screaming was making it feel like the skin peel off of his ears wasn't so bad anymore.

"What's happening? Is the Hero hurt? Are they already killing each other? Or…worse?" Tomix cringed as the Hero reached a note that could have shattered bone.

"We're preparing for that," Riadne explained as Mazurek continued to shout encouragement. "The Hero was worried that no one would be able to hear them if something came up between them and Vaal so we're doing a sound test. Maybe I should have told them that everyone on the ship already have my spiders inside their bodies. So if someone steps out of line, I'll detonate the spiders and send them into a coma."

"Sorry, what did you say?" Tomix cringed. "I couldn't-ahg- hear that last part."

"Oh, it's nothing important. Besides, I think they're having fun." Riadne smiled, crinkling her nose slightly and Tomix couldn't help but grin. "I think the Hero needs to get a few things out of their system. They…didn't seem to be well. The instructions they asked me to give you were troubling. That might be an understatement actually."

"What did the Hero tell you?" Tomix asked, trying to talk over the Hero's desperate shrieks.

"There were three possible situations that the Hero told me could occur. One-" Riadne raised her index finger. "If we hear the Hero screaming, we run over there as fast as we can. That means something bad happened. Two, if we here Vaal screaming, we run faster. That means something worse has happened and the Hero hopes that we'll find it in our hearts to one day forgive them."

"Hm, maybe I've been giving the Hero too much credit." Tomix muttered as the pounding in his head increased with the Hero's screeching and Mazurek's encouragement. "They didn't seem too affected by the ice but maybe I was wrong."

"Third," Riadne continued. "If we hear both of them screaming and suddenly stop, we're supposed to not do anything. The Hero also hopes that if that happens, we'll one day find it in our hearts to forgive them."

"For what? What could possibly cause that?" Tomix asked, feeling a strange creeping dread.

"Tomix!" Riadne blushed, hiding an embarrassed smile behind her hand. "You left them on the other side of the ship basically all alone with each other. It's like you're trying to…" Riadne stopped, unable to speak and look the soulweaver in his golden eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…ehem…if they're not going to kill each other, what else are they going to do?"

"Talk? Is that what the Hero is worried about? Being bored enough during the night to talk?"

Tomix could picture the Hero waking at a heinously early hour and bothering the chaosweaver with ridiculous questions through the thin wall.

"If sneevils are actually transformed children like I've heard, does that mean I've killed kids? I mean I've slain enough that if you stack their corpses from end to end, they'd be as tall as three guardian towers." The Hero would say and wow that was darker than Tomix had first thought.

"Great, more names to add to your list of victims. It's become larger than mine." Vaal would reply before angrily telling the Hero to go to sleep but then the Hero would just stare at the ceiling until the void's whispers convinced them to leap off the ship.

So maybe putting them next to each other was a very bad idea.

"In the Hero's own words, 'I tend to do very stupid things when I'm sad and lonely.' Yes, they might talk civilly until fists fly or…" Riadne snickered again, eyes squinting as she smiled suggestively at Tomix.

"Or what?"

"I've read this kind set-up in a sappy book once. It ended with children." Riadne said simply and immediately, the Hero's screams gained horrifying meaning. In any other situation, Tomix might have found the notion funny but the last thing this trip needed was…whatever would result from _that. _

"Tomix? Where are you going?" Riadne called after him but Tomix was already across the main deck and on the promenade deck in record time. The Hero was standing on the railing, yelling loud enough for the people in Falconreach to hear.

"Tomix? Hey, I was just testing if they could hear me or not but this is fun! You know what? I feel better. Riadne told you about the three scenarios yet? I think we're going to be fine." The Hero waved at the soulweaver and before they knew it, their legs were swept from the railing and they fell back on the deck, hitting their head.

"Sorry, that was an accident. It's hard to do anything with these hands," Tomix apologized, trying to plan how he would pick the adventurer up. "And if you started yelling again, I'm sure that with how close I am, you'd burst the blood vessels in my brain. Anyways…" Tomix sighed, kneeling beside the disoriented Hero. "Let's get you back to bed for now and we'll find you another room after you get some rest. I'll switch with you if you want."

"Mom? What killed the ice age? Dinosaurs." The Hero said shakily, somewhere off in dreamland counting the stars spiraling around their head.

"Of course." Tomix scooped up the hero as best as he could, dropping the Hero several times before he could get a secure hold on them. It would be a miracle if the Hero woke up with less than four concussions.

"Tomix," Riadne walked towards the two, having decided to follow after the soulweaver when the screaming abruptly stopped. "What did you do to them?"

"Nothing, just help me get the Hero to bed." Tomix said and Riadne awkwardly held on to the Hero's legs, seeing as there really was no other way to help.

"Eeeuuuuuuu." The Hero groaned as Tomix and Riadne took them inside towards their cabin door. One of Mazurek's pirates was there, just about finished with fixing the door.

"And that about does it," The pirate announced, twirling a hammer in his hand. "Replaced the door an' re-enforced both quick an' easy. Won't be seein' them break any time soon."

"Great, we'll just lay you down and make the arrangements," Tomix turned and accidentally slammed the Hero's head against the wall.

"Okay, maybe it'll be safer if we put them on their feet," Riadne suggested, getting Tomix to lower the Hero's legs to the floor. "Can you stand? Can you hear me?" The red-head asked the Hero, pulling them off of Tomix to lean them on her shoulder.

"Mmmmph, going to b-be-b-" The Hero stuttered and Tomix signaled for the pirate to quickly open the cabin door before it could get any worse. "Yeah? I can walk. Just push me to the pillow and bye."

"Alright then," Riadne nodded and gently pulled the slumped Hero towards the door as the pirate swung it open into the darkened room. "Let's get you up," Riadne straightened the Hero and gently shoved them into the pitch black room. "And there we go."

The moment the Hero was past the door frame, the door slammed shut with a sound that rang with finality. Riadne stared at the closed door with outstretched arms in shock and when they all heard the distinct clicks of several locks turning, she slowly turned to Tomix, lips pressed together in a nervous line.

It was at that point that Tomix realized that the Hero's room was on the left. Not the right.

"Um, what's your name?" The soulweaver glanced at the pirate.

"Peggy."

"Is that so…why didn't you stop us?"

"I thought that since you put them here all alone that you were trying to-"

"Open the door!" Riadne called as she knocked. "We made a mistake. Sorry about shoving the Hero in there. You probably want them to leave. They're a bit out of it thanks to _Tomix _here," Riadne tried to sound calm as she shot a glare at Tomix, making him wince. "Just open the door and we'll get'em out of your gross hair. Did I say gross? I meant hair. Just hair."

"I know you can hear us." Tomix added. "The rooms aren't sound proof. If this is some joke you're trying to pull to scare the Hero and I, it's not working."

"I don't know what you're talking about." They heard Vaal snap from the other side of the door.

"Peggy, how strong is the door?" Riadne swallowed, wondering if she should detonate the spiders now or save that secret for later. What's the worst that guy could possibly do…

"I asked some o' yer soulweaver students to 'elp. If we not be startin' now, we might not be able to pry'em open by tomorrow."

"Open the door!" Riadne and Tomix hurled themselves against the cabin door and the pirate took the initiative to go find help. The low chuckling they heard behind the wooden barricade only served to panic them even more.

The voyage was already off to a flying start.

* * *

**Author's note: There isn't really any aim to this. It's just a one-shot. There are a few things to note though.**

**I ship Tomix and Riadne together so hard. It's a cannon ship and I will sail on it without regret.**

**Vaal probably isn't going to do anything besides trying to scare Tomix and his favourite flunky. I don't know. You can decide.**

**There is probably a good reason why whoever put the ship together decided to have the Hero's cabin and Vaal's cabin right next to each other but really far from everyone else. There's a nine screen distance and maybe it's the lag on the computer but the PC takes a while to get from one end to the other.**

**The idea came when a friend of mine made a ship pun. **

**The whole dialogue with Riadne and her exploding tiny spiders opens up tons of possibilities and (at the time of writing this, it is Aprit 6****th**** and the void ship hasn't sailed yet), she seems normal and (spoiler but seriously you have to be really behind) hasn't dropped any obvious hints concerning being possessed by Envy.**

**I'm also assuming that the Hero can take Vaal in a fight the way he is in Book 3. It'd be strange if they couldn't.**

**I did this instead of studying. **

**That's all really. I hope you enjoyed reading this snippet. Review if you like and enjoy your day. There are probably spelling mistakes and grammar errors since it's 6AM and I don't feel human but I'll fix them. Promise. Now you all have a nice day while I ruin my sleep schedule even more. Love you all~**


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